


Kindred

by yeaka



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 04:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19143250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: The first time Burgerpants gets a decent non-customer.





	Kindred

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Undertale or any of its contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

Burgerpants stops mid-doodle, halfway through scratching a dancing ghost onto the back of some til paper. A globular, formless ghost is about the extent of his artistic abilities. He withdraws from the messy chicken scratch, leaning away from the counter. He can feel another existential crisis coming on, and he halts everything else for it, because he just thought of himself as _Burgerpants._ That’s how far he’s fallen.

He’s an even bigger wreck than he thought. His life is over. At the tender age of nineteen, he’s achieved complete and utter failure like few others could even imagine. He is the pinnacle of worthlessness, the ultimate waste of a life: a walking, talking example of what _not_ to be. His biggest regret is that he doesn’t have any friends to tell his tragic tale to. At least then he could, perhaps, stop others from making the same mistakes. Or better yet, not friends, but _fans_. If he could just be on stage, a real one, with an actual audience, he could surely turn that depressing reality into a poignant fantasy and capitalize on his own downfall. He could even make Burgerpants his stage name. People would come from far and wide to see him trip over his own two feet and humiliate himself for the sake of their entertainment. He’d be huge. He’d open up his own resort next to Mettaton’s, and he’d create his own burger joint with actually _edible_ burgers—a crazy concept in itself—and treat his employees with genuine compassion.

He spirals out of his torrid daydream and crashes right back into the underground when the glass doors swish open. A customer comes strolling in, lightweight and whistling. There’s a skip in the man’s hopping step. He’s actually _smiling_ , which is mind-blowing, because they live in a cruel, merciless world with nothing worth smiling for. 

The man stops right at the counter, his blue paws landing on it next to Burgerpants’. Burgerpants hurriedly withdraws his own. He’s _Burgerpants_ now. It’s too late for him; he might as well accept it. 

The man blinks at Burgerpants and keeps smiling. He looks like a rabbit, with long, thin ears, and pale, trim fur. He’s got a tall, slender figure, and an air about him that just screams _cool_. Worse, he’s attractive. There’s nothing worse than attractive people. Unless you’re another attractive person. Which Burgerpants knows he isn’t. 

The bunny patiently tilts his head, and it occurs to Burgerpants that he’s forgotten his whole spiel, because he’s too distracted staring at the man’s cute face. 

He splutters, too loud and already horribly awkward, “Welcome to MTT-Brand Burger Emporium, home of the glamburger! Sparkle up your day, TM!”

“Thanks,” the man chirps, in a voice as pleasant as his face, “I hope to! But I hope I can sparkle up yours, too!”

Burgerpants does a double take. He wonders, for one wild minute, if he’s being _hit on_. But that’d be _insane._ He’s _Burgerpants._ Nobody would ever hit on him. 

Swallowing his confusion, he points at the menu and deflects, “Today’s special, glamburgers! You want one?” Except glamburgers are every day’s special. But hot-rabbit-dude doesn’t need to know that. 

Cute-bunny-boy laughs. It’s charming. “Nah, that’s okay. I just wanted to talk.”

“Uh, I can’t... I’m not supposed to... talk to customers...” He will if they buy something first. He’ll do anything to not have to stew in the horrible reality that is his all-consuming nightmare job. But he’s not supposed to, and also, he’s learned his lesson about attractive people. He’s not going to do it again. He can survive ‘Burgerpants,’ but he doesn’t know if he can survive worse.

The rabbit laughs again and shakes his head. “Nah, not like, idle chat stuff... it’s business related. See, I’ve started up a nice cream stand. So I thought maybe we could cross-promote, y’know?”

Burgerpants doesn’t know. He doesn’t even know what nice cream is. It sounds like something tasty but also reserved for only Good People, which Burgerpants isn’t. 

Nice-cream-guy carries on anyway, “Like, I’ll tell people to come get their meals here, and you tell ‘em to come get dessert from me. What do you think?”

“Uh...” Burgerpants doesn’t think. He acts. And consequently screws up. 

He also actively tries _not_ to think about the Burger Emporium, because it’s the worst thing in the world and it’s already destroyed enough of his life. It wouldn’t matter even if he did think about it—he’s not allowed to make any decisions. He’s not even allowed to rearrange the menu. Once, he tried to make a burger _without_ sequins, and he still has the mental scars from Mettaton’s reaction. 

He definitely can’t tell Mettaton about a nice-looking rabbit visiting him. He’ll be fired for sure. Which would be glorious. But also leave him even poorer. So he should really tell cute-rabbit _no_ , but then, that would mean the guy would never talk to him again. 

After a long moment of just freakishly vibrating through his indecision, Burgerpants grins and lies, “I, uh... how about I think about it?”

“Awesome, thanks!”

“But, uh... I’ve never had nice cream before, so... if I’m gonna sell it...”

“Oh, you want a free sample?”

“Yeah.”

This is where he expects it to all fall apart, but the rabbit’s smile doesn’t falter. He even winks at Burgerpants, which makes Burgerpants’ stomach flip like a patty. “Makes sense. I’ll bring you one sometime, okay?”

“...Okay.”

“And maybe I could run some ideas by you? I wanna print some stuff on the labels, jokes and things, but I need someone to bounce ideas off of. And you get it, right? Sellin’ food...”

“...Yeah, sure...”

The man reaches across the counter, his paw landing on Burgerpants’ arm. Burgerpants freezes from head to tail. Nice-cream-guy tells him with such sincerity and happiness, “Thanks, bud! I’ll bring you something yummy right away, okay?”

Burgerpants squeaks, “Cool.”

The rabbit pats him and withdraws, then turns and walks out of the shop and Burgerpants’ life. Burgerpants watches his little tuft of a tail flick with each step. 

For a few profound seconds, Burgerpants starts to think that maybe life isn’t all pain and suffering.

Then his boss rolls in and he realizes oh, yes, it is.


End file.
